Disgusted At Me
by startswithgoodbye9412
Summary: What if Sam has an eating disorder? What if Freddie and Carly find out? What if she has other addictions that can do more harm than good? Will she be able to survive or will she break under pressure?
1. Chapter 1

**Sam's Point of View**

"See you later, Carls." I tell her heading to the door. I try to race out so I can run to the bathroom downstairs.

"Next time, Sam, try to save me some ham." She jokes before looking back down to her magazine. I smiled and laugh a little before turning and racing out the door. I had to find a bathroom. I couldn't take all this food clogging up my stomach. I smiled a bit as the door came into view.

"What's your hurry, Sam?" The dork came into view when his voice came into my hearing range. I groaned, knowing that he would want to talk forever and allowing the food to settle any long would mean that I would get fat.

"Just move, Freddork. I have to pee and you aren't helping any." I lied smoothly. I knew that my little 'pee dance' would make it more believable. Of course, it worked and he moved out of my way.

"I don't just see why you didn't use Carly's bathroom." He asked. His eyebrows knitted together. I knew that this would be the next question.

"I didn't have to go when I left." I told him in a duh voice. I knew that time was of the essence and there wasn't much left. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to get going." He moved further out of the way, extending his arm toward the bathroom. I nodded and raced off into the bathroom. I made sure that I locked the main door before heading to the stall in the back.

"That was close." I muttered to myself, sliding down the stall door. This was what my life has become. This is what I do every time I eat. Well when I eat. Sometimes I wanted someone to look in my eyes and ask me what is wrong. Sometimes I want someone to care enough to look me in the eyes or notice something different. But then again, if they found out then I would go back to fat Sam. I wouldn't be the skinny one that I worked for. I worked long and hard to get remotely where I wanted and where I wanted to be wasn't anywhere close to here.

**Freddie's Point of View**

"Hey, Carly, what's up?" I said, coming in. Carly learnt that it was useless to try and get Sam or even me to knock before we came in.

"Nothing," She said, completely focused on her laptop. I smiled and walked over to the fridge to get something. "Do you think Sam would like this outfit?" She asked, turning her laptop to face me.

"I think she would love it." I wasn't lying either. It was brown and blue plaid Bermuda shorts with a brown and pink shirt under a blue long sleeve one. "DO you know what size she wears?" I asked. I mean, that would be the only problem with buying someone clothes.

She looked at me with a 'Are you kidding me' look. "Freddie, Sam and I wear the same size. Don't you and your other guy friends share clothes?" She asked completely serious.

"Carly, what other guy friends, do I have? Do you mean Gibby?" I asked. I mean come on, her and, needlessly to say Sam were really my only close friends. "Carly, in case you haven't notice; Gibby and I aren't exactly the same size."

"Ah I see." She went back to focusing on her laptop. I wondered how Sam and Carly were the same size. I mean, Sam was thinner than Carly. It kind of shocked me how Carly thought that Sam could fit into her clothes. But, no offence, Sam was like skin and bones, whereas Carly was a little bit more.

**Sam's Point of View**

After I finished my 'business', I raced home. I couldn't take how weak I was. Why couldn't I just tell Carly that I didn't want the food? I went home to do the thing that happened every time I left. It didn't just happen when I ate. It happened all the time. It was my addiction to…

**************************************************************************Why am I starting yet another story? Truth be told, I have no clue. Well I hope you like it. Tell me what you think Sam's Addiction is. If you are right, I will send you a spoiler for the next chapter (- :**

**Kelsey**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sam's Point of View**

It happened all the time. It was my addiction to cutting. I knew it was bad, but I really didn't care. When I cut, it was like I could feel pain again. It was like nothing else mattered in the world. It was like I was in complete control.

I went to the front door, somewhat sad that a car didn't come by to hit me. You know, what it's like to wish everyday that a car will just hit you, not enough to kill you, but to the point where you are seriously injured? I do everyday actually. I just want to know who would care enough to come and visit me. I just want to see who would notice if something bad happened.

I walked in, noticing my mom was passed out from either pills or from being too drunk. I didn't really care much, okay well I cared enough to go over and flip her over on her side. I also checked her pulse. Okay, so I cared for a heartless person. But, she is still my mom, the woman who gave me life, no matter how crappy it is.

I walked slowly up the stairs. Did I want to do this? No, not really. Did I need to do this? It was the only thing that kept me going. I walked into the bathroom to retrieve my razor and some toilet paper. I knew that if by chance my mom did wake up, the bathroom would be the first place she would go. I went to my bedroom, the only place where I can be myself. The only place where I didn't have to worry about hiding my scars.

I sat on the side of my bed after locking the door. I slid down the side and landed softly on the floor. I picked up the razor, placing it on my pale, sensitive skin on my wrist. I used to only cut on my upper thighs. I stopped when I didn't feel pressure to hide them. It felt good knowing that I had a tougher time hiding them. I loved the rush of the moment when they almost see one.

I slid the razor gently across my wrist. "I guess I have to press harder." I muttered to myself, retracing the line that I just made. I smiled a little as the dark red blood contrasted on my pale white skin. I couldn't help to do anything but smile. I mean, would you blame me if it was for control. I just had to control something in my life.

"Sam?" I heard a voice, waking me from my thoughts. "Sam, will you open the door?" I sighed when I recognized the voice.

"Go away." I said weakly. When he knocked on the door again, I knew he wouldn't leave. "Fine, just give me a few minutes. I just got out of the bath." I lied. I knew that if I would have said shower, he would have questioned on why he didn't hear the water running.

"Okay, just hurry up." He rushed me. If there was one thing that I hated the most in the world that was being rushed, especially by someone that I really didn't want to see.

"You will wait until I am ready." I snapped at the door. Even if I couldn't see him, I still could threaten him. I mean, who shows up to someone's house, unexpected, and then tells them to hurry up? Exactly, no one but the dork waiting at my door.

"Someone is a bit touchy." He muttered softly. I think his intentions were for me to not hear him but unfortunately for him, I did. As soon as the bandage covered my wrist, I slid down my sleeve. I stalked angrily towards the door and wrenched it open.

"What do you want?" I snapped harshly at him. He jumped back a bit before regaining composure and looking me up and down. I placed my arms over my body, covering it up, feeling self-conscious. "What are you looking at?" I asked.

"Nothing," he muttered, before moving his eyes back to mine. "I was wondering if you wanted to work on the next iCarly. Carly sent me over to ask." He told me, honesty in his eyes.

"Oh, sure," I was shocked that, that was the reason he paid me this unexpected visit. "Let me just grab my coat." I shut the door and cleaned up a bit. I grabbed my oversized black sweat jacket and opened the door. "You ready?" I asked Freddie, not really waiting for a reply. I ran down the stairs and out the door.

"Sam, wait up!" I heard a tired Freddie. I looked over my right shoulder and found him running towards me.

"Well, hurry up." I told him, turning around to walk slower. I kicked a small pebble and followed it.

"Finally," I heard an exhausted Freddie say. I looked over to my left and saw him walking in pace with me.

"Yeah, whatever, can we just hurry and get to Carly's?" I asked, picking up the pace a little. I knew that today would be tiring and at the end, I would want nothing but to crawl into my warm bed and dream. Because you know what they say, "A dream is a wish your heart makes when you are fast asleep." And man was my heart wishing big.

**************************************************************************Okay, so how was it? What is going to happen at Carly's house? Any clues?**

**Happy reading,**

**Kelsey**


	3. Chapter 3

**Freddie's Point of View**

"Sam, could you not touch the camera?" I told her, wiping off the lens for the eighth time. Things always happened this way. Sam would touch the lens and I would wipe it off telling her to stop. She never listened though.

"What are you going to do if I don't?" She questioned and took the hand held camera off of the cart.

"Sam," I begged. I knew that she wouldn't give up no matter what I tried. She was a nuisance to the set and my life sometimes. "Sam, don't lick the camera," I yelled as she dragged her tongue across the optical lens. I was frustrated with her right now. I mean, I always was, but this time it seemed as if she went too far. It felt as if everything she did to me in the past came back up and was boiling my blood.

She put the camera back on the cart and smirked at me. I felt my face turn red with anger. "What are you going to do now?" She smirked at me. Normally I would have just sighed and let her win, but not today. No, today she was going to hear about herself.

"Sam, what the hell is your problem? You always act like an immature bitch. I don't understand why you have to terrorize us constantly." I saw that she put up a finger for me to stop, but I already knew what she was going to say. "You do too terrorize Carly. I can see it in her eyes how much you are hurting her. Just because you have a mother that treats you like crap, doesn't give you the right to treat us like it. I'm sorry that your mom is addicted to pills and shit, but that isn't our problem." I finished in a huff. I knew that what I just said was about as low as some of the things she said. I didn't care though. They were things that needed to be said.

She shocked me when she didn't say anything. She stared at me blankly before running out of the studio. I stared at the doorway until I received a hard hit to the back of my head. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Carly screamed.

"Me? What about her? You think it isn't obvious that she treats people like shit? I can tell you are just too scared to say something about it." I screamed. I didn't really want to scream at Carly, I just couldn't help it. Sam had already pissed me off.

"So, she doesn't deserve to be treated like that either. You know that her mom is a sore subject for her and yet you still brought it up." She yelled. Her face started to go red with anger as mine slowly calmed down.

"I know, I know," I told her as I put my hands in front of my chest. "I just couldn't take the constant insults anymore." I admitted a little ashamed with myself.

"Yeah, well you shouldn't be telling me that. You should go tell Sam." She snapped at me.

"Fine, I will," I sassed back. Hey, if she could get bitchy with me, then you would be certain that I would be snappy with her.

"I suggest you go now," She said rolling her eyes when I made no attempt to move. I glared at her and the walked through the doorway. I walked the familiar path to Sam's house. I didn't bother to knock and just walked in.

"Sam?" I whispered afraid that her mom wasn't past out. I walked up the stair carefully and knocked lightly on the familiar door. I walked in slowly and saw something that I could have lived my whole life without seeing.

**Since the majority of the reviews I got wanted me to continue this myself, I did. How do you like it? Sorry it's so short :-/. What did Freddie see? **

**Enjoy!**

**Kelsey**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sam's Point of View**

I had to get out of there. I didn't care where, just somewhere that wasn't here. I know some of the things that I taunt Freddie with are unfair, but I never we so low as to knowingly taunt him on something that cause him his own pain and torture. I couldn't believe he went straight for attacking my mother.

I continued to run, not paying any attention to the cream walls that past beside me. Normally, when I was upset, I would go to the fire escape in the back of Carly's old building. The view from the top was simply amazing and calming. I'd never seen anything like the beauty from the overlook in my entire life. Plus, there was the fact that if I jumped from the 20th floor of the building my pain and suffering would be well over.

I passed the trees, knowing that my short cut was coming up; I veered off to the left side. I cut through the graveyard and immediately came to my trailer's back yard. I sighed when I spotted the white Buick still sitting in the parking lot. Mom was home. I hung my head and walked quietly towards the door. I was in trouble for leaving without making sure my mother had her daily dose of insults and punches thrown at me.

"You little slut," She said immediately after the door clicked into place. "Who do you think you are just walking in and out whenever you feel like it?" Her face was full of rage.

"I-I'm sorry," I tried to force myself as far away from her as humanly possible with the door being against my back.

"I'm sorry," She mocked me with her high pitched slurred voice. "Well, I'm sorry doesn't cut it." She jerked me by the back of my neck and threw me against the table corner. "What? Little Samantha all alone, crying out for help?" It was true. Tears were streaming down my face. I knew that crying was weakness, but after what Freddie had blurted out and now this, my stress level was through the roof.

"Why must you do this to me?" I screamed at her. I couldn't take this anymore I needed to tell her how it was. I needed her to know the pain she put me through.

"What did you just say, you little bitch?" Oh no…

**Sorry so short, but I really wanted to update. I'm hoping to get back into the realm of things, so there should be more updates soon :) Review please? If people don't like it, I'm going to just write for myself and not post **

***********Kelsey**


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